-traveling halfway across the country for the mere fact that I could say that I did so.
-going to Canada, not only for cheesecake, but to walk around with the strangers pretending to be an elitist photographer.
-when my friends called me at 2am and I had to switch the lines as to not wake anyone up.
-learning how to say "I want your cock!" in German class.
-going to concerts and begging for bananas... which would eventually decay, but produce many ill effects to unsuspecting victims.
-being put in the back of a pickup truck to go down to the D with a boyfriend no one knew I had.
-getting drunk just to play ddr
-not having to think "is that just one too many piercings"?
-how about crossing over decrepit train bridges?
-celebrating Independence day by getting high at 16?
-riding the bikes out to the beach before the sunrise.
-and where the hell did those damn calm-shell pogs come from anyway?
I miss all of my fond memories. Everyday I'm getting more and more flashbacks. Just two days ago I made the recollection of the reason my back was damaged where it is was from falling down on the stairs, slamming into the edge of it. All of this from the slight action of sliding a box down other boxes.
I'm now at a place I never could have imagined five years ago. According to plan I would have still been living with my father, graduating from Delta/Northwood University with a degree of International Business/Minor in Spanish. I would never have imagined taking the road that I have. I fear that now I've grown too much. I seldom take chances or try to have fun.
I tried to day. I went to Piropos, an expensive Argentinian restaurant located not far from here. I went alone, which I haven't done in ages. I was unbearably dissonant. I sat there, in one of my many out of body experiences, still. I'm having merciless deja vu, as well. Nearly every day experiences I don't want to have are happening. I try to remain calm as I feel as if I'm losing my mind. I fear that my natural paranoia is coming alive.
3 weeks ago, I decided to get high with a coworker and her sons. We watched I am Legend, and National Treasure. It was okay then. But once the TV came on, the Deja vu started. It was the hardest I've ever been as my whole body was tingling. I asked Tres if it was laced as it certainly wasn't like getting high. He just claimed it was 'really good'. So the conversation became deja vu. EVERYTHING was repeated. I was stuck in my mind trying to convince myself that it was stories she had told me before. Flashes, back and forth, more images. I remember the room not feeling just right and I had a vision that the police were busting in and we were all going to jail. It felt so real. Less than a minute later... trust me, I was eagle eying the clock to make sure I wasn't dead... there was a knock at the back door. We all had went silent in the Oh Shit kind of way. My vision was coming true. Tony went to check it out and it was fine. I decided at that moment I needed to leave. Tony led me to 71 and I still don't know how I made it home.
I've only driven halfway high before. It was actually the first time I got high. I was one of those people who had to wait four or five times before it took effect. I am one of those people who are supposed to be addicted. I'm glad I'm not. But like I had said prior, this was not just being high. But enough of about that.
I'm listening to an audio tape about getting stuff done fast. It says you need to clear out your mind. You need to write EVERYTHING down and file it away. I've been trying to reorganize my life. Today I spent 5 hours just getting the coupons fixed. Tomorrow I shall work on the house part of it. Speaking of lists, I found my 101 list from 05. I can't believe it ends in June of '08. Do you realize how far off 3 or so years sounds when you're making a list??? Looking back, I've completed about 1/3 of it. 1/3 I wouldn't care less about completing right now, and the last 1/3 probably will be completed in the future.
Well, I'm tired. It's 330 in the morning and I need to gather my stuff for the deals tomorrow then head off to bed.