Background Noise (backgroundnoise) wrote,
Background Noise
backgroundnoise

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Laugh until we think we'll die

Why is it so hard to smile sometimes? So they say Dysthymia is my curse. I thought by now I'd be able to shake it. After what... 20 years? Nobody wants to know a 'sad' person. I'm trying to be happy. I've wrapped myself up in getting this business started, cooking healthful food, finding different massage modalities to practice, reading, and gardening. I should be distracted enough to be happy, but the simplest things make me cry or feel distraught.

I try to love my husband. I really do. He is good, I swear. He cooks, cleans, works hard, pretends he's there for me, and tries his best. He reminds me of my dad and that creeps me out. Today he went out after work for a beer with some coworkers. He recently became a manager at work, so I think it's fine for him to celebrate. Yet, he didn't come home til three hours later. At least the tab was on the big guy. But still, I hope it doesn't come to me waiting all hours of the night for him to come home. I certainly wont be able to tolerate that. I should focus on the positive things. I mean, he did come home. And he made tacos for when I got out of school. Sighs...
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