Background Noise (backgroundnoise) wrote,
Background Noise
backgroundnoise

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Althought you've destroyed and disowned, stronger yet I've grown.

Tonight I might have had the most creatively disturbing dream one could ever had. In my head was a women with a voice, strong, like Alanis was singing a song about a young woman who had ran from her past to grow up to be so much more than what life she could have. And the images were from my childhood to adulthood. My own personal dreamed music video. From being five, watching my mom get pounded down at the bathroom door, to watching the police bust in that night, with an overview of my mother holding my sister and my dad telling them "everything was fine" as they went away and I hid. To being 15 with the first time smoking week, where my friend fucked the guy we later found out had AIDS. Growing up, the constant beatings, the one resulting in the police taking us. To the girls smoking crack in the shelters bathroom as I watched their kids. To getting drunk, to wanting to fuck everyone, to not giving a fuck. To stepping up, to becoming my own. To working hard, to now, and all grown up. To trying to end the cycle of abuse. Trying to take comfort in friends. Trying to start a family, and ultimately, everyday trying to forget the past.
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